I've been reading too many wedding blogs.
It's very navel gazing, like twittering about something other than the news. I'm not as excited about planning this wedding as a lot of even the anti-wedding-industrial-complex people are. I'm not sure what's missing. Other than the gene that would have made me excited about pretty princess dresses and sequins and personalized vases of exotic flowers for 250 of my closest friends.
Maybe that's the problem. I have like 4 friends. I'm not sure I even like all of them. I wouldn't know what they would even want personalized if I were to buy them something personalized.
My mom was trying to convince me to go back to church the other day by telling me this whole story about how they didn't like any of the church options they found when they moved to Portland so they picked one they didn't hate completely and volunteered to do everything until they changed enough stuff from the inside to make it stand-able. I'm uncomfortably in this place right now. I'm not sure what other options exist so I keep adjusting and making do.
I started thinking about this because my dress is ready. I'm really excited about my dress being ready, but I feel like I'm imposing on the friends I invited to come with me to the fitting. That's how unclose we all are. What do I do about that? It's not like I can force it.
I think I feel strangely in between a lot of things right now. Being married and planning a wedding doesn't let you be fully present to either of these things. By not being fully there for either, I feel like I'm failing at both.

Things that are happening:
Dress ready to be picked up tomorrow.
Cupcake consultation in two weeks.

Things that need to happen:
Talk to S about alterations. Make some calls on my own.
Think about overarching theme ideas. S may be able to help us with this.